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[ Of all the ways this had to happen. It feels surpremely unfair. (Though, perhaps, it's better than losing it the long, natural, uglier way). He really doesn't want to think about it at all. It had looked fine on a man of--however old he was supposed to be when Logan knew him. Ancient, rather than simply mature. It's a picture he can tell himself isn't real. Isn't him. But here? Now? It's harder to fathom.

So he's just going to put it as out of mind as he can; as out of sight it currently is. He'll come back to this later. ]

Nothing you need to apologize for, Jean.

While that sounds like an impressive feat on both your parts, somehow I assume that isn't the end of it?

No. The plane was attacked as we were trying to leave and I told Kurt to teleport everyone out at once when I made the plane go into a nosedive. It almost didn't work but he did it. We ended up in some house around the pyramid.

Apocalypse was calling for you and Raven and Peter tried to fight him. They both got hurt (which is when Peter's leg was broken). Kurt passed out and we couldn't hide you for long. He found us and the others tried to fight him. You tried to pull him into your mind to fight him, overwhelm him. It looked like it might work but then it didn't.

[ They are getting to the part she is actually dreading talking about now. At the time, she had found the courage to do what she needed to do because of his trust, his unconditional love. But now, seeing what that power can do, she looks back at this not as a triumph. It was a warning. It had been a warning the whole time. ]

[ And then it didn't. He doesn't want to ask, and yet there's no way to let that stand. He knows, from context, that they must survive all this somehow, but that's foreboding in a way that moves beyond that context. Parallel, somehow. ]

If it didn't work then how did we survive this?

[ It's a long pause on her end. ]

I killed him.

[ He stares at that for far too long. How long as she been suffocating under the weight of this? ]

You shouldn't have had to deal with that on your own.

[ She waits and waits and it feels like it drags for an eternity. Even with his assurances, she's still afraid. She knows she shouldn't be but after what has happened since she left Earth, Jean's whole perception feels so far from what it once was.

She almost cries when she reads the response, needing a moment to wipe her eyes. ]

You trusted me to do the right thing and I wasn't afraid anymore.

[ She feels the prickling of tears in her eyes again as it hits her just how far she is from that now. How it feels like she's right back at square one again. The only difference is that the destruction she can cause could be on a global scale. ]

Edited 2017-12-26 03:07 (UTC)

But you are now. That's why we haven't spoken about this, isn't it?

[ That much is evident. She's always been quiet and somewhat withdrawn, and he knows how alienating her telepathy alone can be. None of that is a surprise. To this degree, however, withdrawing to the point of shutting even him out long-term, when this has had nothing to do with his sort-of-predecessor leaving anymore, that's what says everything. ]

You DID do the right thing.

[ There are a handful of reasons she hasn't talked about it, has avoided it for as long as she could. That was just one of them. Something that she had been fine with before and felt such shame and fear for now. ]

I destroyed every part of him until there wasn't a trace left.

And I enjoyed doing it.

[ It's the first time she's admitted that to anyone. Not even Logan knows that part, for all the times they've talked about her powers and what happened on the outpost. ]

[ In truth: he isn't certain at all of what to do with this. There is, to his estimation, no precedent for something of this level, if Jean's telling of it is unbiased (and he's never known her to flaunt her abilities to start with, let alone bragging them up beyond proper estimation). None. Not himself, not Erik, no one.

It's no wonder she's been so scared of it. Is that something you can control? Is it something they should? She can't go on like this, no single person could, but...

Fuck. ]

Jean, I don't have an easy answer for this, and I am sorry for that. My own experience, however comforting I could possibly try to be, falls regrettably short.

But I am not leaving you to this alone.

You're not upset?

What use is there in upset over a power you haven't learned to control?

[ It's like starting from square one all over again, a square, to him, they'd passed nearly eight years ago now. But it's much better the square is there to start from at all. ]

Because it's gotten worse since then.

[ And she worries he regrets telling her to unleash it in the first place. ]

Do you think continued repression would have been any better? If I trusted you to do it, what kind of person would that make me to be upset with you for it?

I'm not about to run away because this gets hard.

I don't want you to.

[ Not like he did. ]

Sweetheart, never.

[ She doesn't respond. Not through text. She gets up and leaves the library, following the signature of his mind to find him. She's slow to approach when she does but, softly, ]

I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.

[ A pause. ]

It never did seem like a good time to... go into all that.

[ Along with the other things they discussed. ]

[ Truth told, 90% of this conversation shouldn't have been had over text, but the distance allowed the truth to surface, so he can't much fault her or even himself for allowing it. If it worked, it worked.

He shakes his head softly and waves her closer. ] Come here.

[ She walks over, ducking her head slightly, something she's always done out of habit and continues to do even now. Ever since her father brought her to the school, it's as if her shyness doubled down. ]

[ The body language doesn't go unnoticed. Right now, he sees that same shy, wary girl he'd met almost a decade ago, no trace of the monster she seems so determined to illustrate. Wordlessly, he reaches forward to grasp her arm gently and pull her into a hug.

Somehow, he's certain, he isn't the only one who needs it.

He takes a moment to just let the gesture be, moving only to smooth down her hair in idle repetition, before he says anything. ]

I love you. Nothing changes that.

[ She doesn't hesitate to fall into the embrace, her arms wrapping around his shoulders and her cheek going to one shoulder, facing away from him but her arms tighten at the words. The tears well in her eyes and the walls she had kept up for so many months come down around her.

She embraces him again in her mind, Charles no longer in his chair and all the love she feels for him coming through the bond they've shared for many years now. Maybe not her father through blood but father in all the ways that mattered.

I love you, too. ]

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bc i will never have context for this icon p sure

cries

<3

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